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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156527">phoenix</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlesjm/pseuds/cuddlesjm'>cuddlesjm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Breakup, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, not really sure what i did here tbh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:40:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlesjm/pseuds/cuddlesjm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He is Lee Donghyuck, even if the world roars and thunders, Donghyuck does not need anybody else but himself. He will brave the storm, he will find the way out, from the ashes Donghyuck will rise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>phoenix</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>honestly i have no clue what this is,, enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This must read something sort of like heartbreak, like an endless chain of disasters, losing hope when it was all that was left. </p><p>This must be heartbreak because Donghyuck doesn’t know what the world will be if there is no star to center his universe. </p><p>Jaemin leaves without so much as goodbye. Jaemin has walked up and out and over Donghyuck’s heart, trampled and shattered him like broken glass. Donghyuck knows Jaemin has always been the type to kiss and tell but he guesses Jaemin is in favor of crowds only when he pleases. He is silent when he steps out of Donghyuck’s apartment, out of Donghyuck’s life, like it is easy to leave love behind. Like Donghyuck has never meant anything but someone to hold for a few minutes.</p><p>It must be cheesy of Donghyuck to say the sky falls and thunders, roaring away at him, a try at distracting him perhaps, the morning he wakes to Jaemin’s farewell. </p><p>Jaemin’s gone.</p><p>A single text, rings, washes and repeats, prioritizes and becomes everything Donghyuck can see. </p><p>“Love must be scary right?” Jaemin has always been one for the spectacular and great and he wants to love in the same, reckless and grand. “I think it’d be fun to fall so in love one day, I absolutely lose my mind.”</p><p>Donghyuck had wished upon many a star in hopes that he’d be able to give Jaemin the love he wanted, one day, when he was ready. He spent nights debating the right words, the perfect timing. Hours on end went into every moment they spent together.</p><p>Donghyuck gave everything to be the best person he could, he gave all his love in kisses, his care in mindless touches. Anything Donghyuck could have done to make Jaemin’s life better, he’d done.</p><p>Perhaps, that is where Donghyuck went wrong. Even after so much of Jaemin’s nonsense spewing of love so full of life it lived and thrived in and of its own, Donghyuck had missed the memo. </p><p>Jaemin didn’t want a love to ground him, he wanted a love that was groundbreaking. He wanted something that made him feel and filled him with electricity, until the tips of his fingers shocked and buzzed and struck. </p><p>Donghyuck only wanted love, he only wanted to be somebody’s goodnight, a wish you well when the world thundered and quaked. He wanted to be the person Jaemin went to with everything, to have him even when the world crashed and burned. Instead, Donghyuck is left to piece himself back together, bandages over tears, small and futile. Jaemin leaves him behind to fix the wreckage, to find hope again even though it has left with him, tucked into the pockets of his jeans.</p><p>When the world ends in flames, Donghyuck’s love goes up in ash. </p><p>“What do you mean he’s gone? Everything was okay, we were good. We were,” Donghyuck trips over his own words. He has been cast into the sea and he doesn’t know how to swim. Days and nights pass him, life continues on but he has been left behind. Time freezes only for him. </p><p>“Weren’t we?”</p><p>Donghyuck feels like he has to walk on eggshells around himself, filter his own words, his thoughts until they are free of Jaemin. Yet, the more Donghyuck tries, the more he remembers. </p><p>Jaemin’s kisses were always quick, always desperate, like he was running out of time. Jaemin wouldn’t hold Donghyuck’s hand in public -not once they’d become official- a love from behind the scenes. Jaemin told Donghyuck it’d be fun, it hadn’t taken much for Donghyuck to be convinced, he only wanted Jaemin. </p><p>He liked pet names and adventures late into the night. Jaemin told Donghyuck it was his way of showing Donghyuck his love. That they had nothing to prove to the world, that they were in love and the stars all stood as witnesses.</p><p>Donghyuck realizes now, he’d never been taken on a proper date before. Jaemin liked waking him up, in the middle of the night, grinning madly and rushing out explanations that made no sense to Donghyuck who’d been sleeping soundly. Only then, when the world fell quiet and only ghosts were left to wander the streets, would he lace Donghyuck’s hand in his. </p><p>Maybe Donghyuck really was only someone to hold for the night. Someone to chase after Jaemin as he chased his own dreams.</p><p>Donghyuck hopes Jaemin never finds what he is searching for. He hopes that Jaemin scours the entire planet only to turn around and find that it was Donghyuck. He hopes Jaemin knocks on his door and tells him he’s had loves, big and small, reckless and patient, but none have compared to the love Donghyuck had given him.</p><p>Most of all, Donghyuck hopes these wishes only last a little longer, that the hope for Jaemin withers away the more he forgets. That he’ll no longer stay up late into the night, eyes shut, hoping Jaemin will turn over any second and shake him awake, eyes alight with a madness true to Jaemin. </p><p>“Goodbye Jaemin,” Donghyuck whispers.</p><p>Months have come and gone and Jaemin has not returned but Donghyuck thinks it is okay. He is okay. His world has adjusted, configured again, stronger and driven. The world was reborn the day Jaemin left, lit to life again, lifted from the fires. </p><p>Donghyuck has taken his rightful place, he is the star at the center of his own universe. Donghyuck’s life does not revolve, does not chase and spin along, falling into anybody else’s orbit. Instead, the planets turn for him. They circle round and round and they come close in wonder, in awe of him.</p><p>Donghyuck does not give himself away, does not wait or search for another to complete him. He is Lee Donghyuck, even if the world roars and thunders, Donghyuck does not need anybody else but himself. He will brave the storm, he will find the way out, from the ashes Donghyuck will rise.</p><p>Phoenix.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nahyuck writes itself in my brain and most of the time it is angst and i have no sense of what goes on. if you want to read something slightly less strange i have other works ! it'd be cool if you checked them out, if you wanted. maybe. my twt is httpminhyung and you can drop something in my cc (fairyjae) if you wanna &lt;33 till next time</p></blockquote></div></div>
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